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DAD..

I wrote and sent this for my Dad’s 50th birthday at the time he had cancer and HE died a few months later. It has been 29yrs now and think its time for me to share it. Its not Keats but its special to me…

his face is rugged and kinda lived in,
Guess that’s from all the battlin’.
He liked a drink did my old dad,
When he went out we were all glad.
He nagged and moaned about our ways,
But mum would say “Eric its just a faze!”
Dad always encouraged us to do what’s right,
Thanks to him we all saw the light.
Our Dad is funny and often cracked a joke,
Would lend us money when we were broke.
He give nicknames to all his kin,
Each name chosen specially by him.
He helped us through our growing years,
Chased away our fears and tears.
We’re all grown now with children of our own,
While you have us you will never be alone.
Dad I wish I could make the pain go away,
Well Dad just one more thing I need to say.

I love you…

still miss you dad after all this time…

THE BIKER…

I was sent this last year don’t know who is the original author but reminds me of some very special people and to all those who look different and don’t conform to societies ideal this is for you…

YOU DID NOT SEE ME…

I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line.
But you didn’t see me put an extra £10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the sidewalk.
But you didn’t see me playing Santa at the local mall.

I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant.
But you didn’t see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I drove by.
But you didn’t see me driving behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children.
But you didn ‘t see me when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you stare at my long hair.
But you didn’t see me and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of Love.

I saw you roll your eyes at our leather coats and gloves.
But you didn’t see me and my brothers donate our old coats and gloves to those that had none.

I saw you look in fright at my tattoos.
But you didn’t see me cry as my children where born and have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere.
But you didn’t see me going home to be with my family.

I saw you complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be.
But you didn’t see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you yelling at your kids in the car.
But you didn’t see me pat my child’s hands, knowing he was safe behind me.

I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road.
But you didn’t see me squeeze my wife’s leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you race down the road in the rain.
But you didn’t see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time.
But you didn’t see me trying to turn right

i I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in.
But you didn’t see me leave the road.

I saw you waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.
But you didn’t see me. I wasn’t there.

I saw you go home to your family.
But you didn’t see me. Because, I died that day you cut me off.
I WAS JUST A BIKER. A person with friends and a family. But you didn’t see me.

MIRROR? WHAT CAN I SEE?

When l look into my mirror of life this is what l see

I see a woman who has tried to be the best she knows how to be.

I see a woman who has made many many mistakes in her life but has learnt and grown from them

I see a woman who has been the best mum she knew how to be but made many errors of judgement got it wrong but always believed that she was doing what was right at the time.

I see a woman who knows the pain of losing loved ones and the joy of the birth of the next generation.

I see the young girl still there still wanting to believe that there is a happy ever after, that there is a santa and still wants to cuddle her teddybear.

I see that young woman with the arrogance of youth who was going to conquer the world, and had all the answers…

I see the hurt of past relationships but also the joy of them.

I see the friendships of which l treasure and the sadness when a friendship is broken.

I see the trust the innocence that l once had and sadly no longer can give.

I see the a girl holding her first born in her arms and not quite believing that l had created life, l see the joy of when my 2nd son came along and the promise of a happy future.

I see the faces of those l have loved and lost my parents, my sister-in-law my friends all gone before their time.

I see the sadness that my mum and dad never got to see their great grandchildren.

I see a cocky confident woman who had the world by the balls…

I see what l have become, how l have been shaped by my life experiences my broken dreams, the paths my life has gone down..

But what l see most is that l have laughed more then l have cried, l have made mistakes but learnt from them, l have loved and been loved….

I see a future that will bring me happiness and pain hopefully more happiness then pain and sorrow.

I may not have set the world alight, l may not have achieved many of my dreams or goals, my life isn’t what l saw for myself..

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT……

I have had a wonderful life up to now

CANCER & LESSONS IT HAS TAUGHT ME

Its no secret that when it comes to raising money for cancer l will be there supporting any way l can.

But as awful cancer is and l sadly have way too much experience of this disease
it has also taught me so much.

It has taught me not to be bitter when life deals you a bad hand, not one person l have known with cancer has remained bitter at life.

It has taught me what real emotional strength is. When you have to tell your children your parents that you have cancer and watching as they try not to break down kinda puts that messy break up or being pissed off at something in perspective.

It has taught me that love should never be taken for granted.

It has taught me that life is for living and not squandered on the petty stuff

It has taught me time is precious and is never wasted when spent with those we love..

It has taught me that laughter is the best medicine, humour so essential. My dad telling mum that doc has told him that he would be on tablets rest of his life but only gave him 7!! Yes an old joke but it was 25 yrs ago and that was how he broke it to her that he had cancer. My friend Pat who named her tumour charlie, after a guy in the pub who was an irritating fucker. My mum who wanted the pinkest of wigs before it was fashionable and before pink ribbons.
My son the constant ball jokes my sister-in-law always with a smile on her lips and l could go on but all those l have seen suffer from cancer each and everyone used humour to lessen the fear not for themselves but for those they love and may leave behind.

It has taught me what sacrifice and selflessness really means.

It has taught me what it is to be a cancer survivor and the joy to your family especially this mum still makes me cry. I still can’t talk about it without getting emotional.

l hope never to lose another person in my life to cancer it has taken too many too soon but sadly the reality is that l will experience the pain of cancer again and as it is no respecter of age, gender, colour,religion or even an alien.

PLEASE DO BE CANCER AWARE DO WATCH OUT FOR CHANGES IN YOUR BODY DO CHECK FOR LUMPS BUT MOST OF ALL PLEASE GET IT CHECKED
YOU MAY FEEL ITS NOTHING, NOT WORTH BOTHERING THE DOC BUT ANY CHANGES AND YEP INCLUDING TOILET HABITS AS ITS NOT ALL ABOUT FINDING LUMPS ITS ABOUT NOTICING CHANGES TO YOUR BODY AND BODILY FUNCTIONS
SHOULD ALWAYS BE CHECKED.
Fortunately 99 % of the time it is nothing but don’t take chance with the 1% it isn’t xxxxx

FAMILY

Last Thursday my 8yr old granddaughter got a “Head Teachers citizen award” now its only a school thing and 2 from each class got them.
But to us as a family this was like receiving the pride of Britain award and why is it such a big deal because my friends who know me know what she and her siblings have been through.
She had missed so much school that she was below average, she hadn’t bonded with the class because of the time she missed, she has been in 3 schools since starting, she and her siblings had moved 7 times in 14 months had lost everything as everytime mum moved her she left everything behind.
Dec 23rd last year my son who had been back home just over 12 months and during that time we constantly tried to get help for them and mum, they were known to social services but we were constantly told that he would have to go to court to get them and it was unlikely he would be granted residential order as they weren’t in there eyes at risk.
Well she abandoned them and went off in a drunken stupor eventually she committed her self and she was not diagnosed with a mental illness which was confirmed by follow up for court, what she has difficulty with is coping with several things at once she was offered all the help but never turned up.
Since my son got his 3 children who had nothing but the clothes they came in day before Christmas eve, but my friends family and my friends within the community (thank you Evi and team mars) they were ok.
In the new year he was blessed to be offered a new build home from our local housing association but he didn’t have so much as a cup and not one organisation was willing to help as he works but on a low income,
Child benefit and tax credits still being paid to mum took until April to get that sorted so my Ex husband who is not his dad and l got him a car for the school run furnished his home and funded the court costs, which resulted in him having the children full time the kids mum now has no responsibility so no pressure all she has to do is see them but yeah constantly lets them down but that’s for another time
Since my son has had his children they have not missed a day at school they have thrived, the youngest started in sept.
My granddaughter now is above average in her education, she has made friends, grown in confidence and has become a lovely generous caring member of the class it could have so easily gone the other way, so that is why this small certificate means the world to us because it shows that all the sacrifices have been worth it and now my granddaughter and her siblings have a future.

HOW TO PISS ME OFF..

1 Don’t tell me l look good for my age or that l am wearing well its enough to say l look good you wouldn’t dream of saying to a younger person “my god you do look good for your age!”

2 You may think l am “over the hill” or past it but stop and think what it has taken for me to climb that hill.

3 When your trampling all over us over 50’s to get to the young things remember with out us over 50’s they would be no young things so show us some courtesy now and then..

4 Before you insult or ignore us stop think of your mum your dad your nana your granddad do you want them insulted or ignored?

5 We also have the right by god we have bloody earned the right to flash our bits, have hard rampant sex, and behave badly just like the young, it may not seem pretty to you it may make you go “yuck old people having sex and behaving badly” you may look at the females and think mutton dressed as lamb, but we can and are just as sexual because we have had about 40yrs of having sex to practise our techniques….

6 Don’t talk down to me because l don’t know the latest hit record or who’s who in the celebrity stakes, l may not always get to grips with the latest technologies but when it matters l will know how it feels to lose a loved one l will know how it feels to have a broken heart, l will know how to deal with most major events that happen in life because in over 50 yrs life has thrown just about everything you can think of at me to deal with….

7 Don’t tell me l don’t know what its like to be young today, l am a mother a grandmother do you not think l don’t take an interest in my families lives? Or what is happening in the world around me…

8 Don’t laugh at me or raise the eyebrows because I talk about how things have changed because it will happen to you sooner then you think…. Plus in over 50 years I have seen some radical changes that are worth talking about…

9 Oh and when your looking at that over 50’s person and thinking “I will never be like that” let me tell you every one of us over 50’s have at some point in our youth said that…

So when your out doing your shopping and a middle-aged or elderly person is holding you up, not walking fast enough, rabbiting on to the anyone who will listen about the state of things, or is just a pain in the butt just smile wait a moment and consider what they may have experienced to reach that grand old age because no one gets through life without it giving you one hell of a kicking many times over….

JUST TO ADD AGE DOESN’T GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO BE RUDE OR DISRESPECTFUL TO ANYONE….

TIME PASSES

 

Tonight while out with friends mainly around my own age but a few of the younger family members were with us, and what does tend to happen is that us older ones do tend to tease the younger ones about just how good they have it lol but then it got me to thinking about the changes for women in particular in my lifetime….
My nieces were shocked when I told them 3 months before getting married l could go to the docs get the pill with no problem, after l was married my husband had to sign a form giving permission for me to take the pill the reason being was that l was in effect denying his right to fatherhood…
The first time l was sterilised l had to have my husbands consent, when l was later re-sterilised and had an abortion again l had to have his consent.
That would be unfathomable to todays married women….(It only affected married women)
This then of course led on to the changing role of women in society and of course the inevitable if it weren’t for my generation todays generation wouldn’t have the freedom of choices they have today.
I was entering my 3rd yr at secondary school when they brought in the equal opportunities act where girls could have access to the same lessons as boys and vice versa instead of girls being taught secretarial stuff and the boys “man stuff” such as wood and metal work which girls were not allowed to do.
My first job was quality control for Courtaulds and l covered 3 large mills there were no female managers no female charge hands the only senior female positions were personal but even then the main personal was a man the female personal officer was to deal with “womens stuff”
Women did mainly office work but all were overseen by a man.
But this was the era of womens rights and l was the first female work study officer in the group, but l was just the token female not because they thought l was worthy of the job but because there hand was forced….
I encountered sexism on a scale you wouldn’t believe could happen.
I had my breast grabbed while doing my job and the managements response was to say that the man had a family blah blah blah and felt it would be better if l was keep away from that room which lasted all of 9 months….Oh and l had given him the wrong signals for putting a plaster on his finger when he had caught it on the machine, even though l hadn’t actually spoken to the man.
Skipping forward to being married with children, when ever l was out without my husband l would often hear “oh is he at home babysitting?” this always got my back up and l would state very loudly that no man babysits his own children he was just at home with them.
I was considered loud brash for going against what was expected of a female of that time.
So of course the younger ones were going on about how women are still not equal, but change takes time it doesn’t happen overnight and l have seen womens rights come on so far from when l needed my husbands permission, and who knows in another 35 yrs it will be a total level playing field but its not going to happen over night change takes time nor will it be handed to you on a plate, but you can make changes within your world.
Me my small changes were educating the men in my life that we are equal we have different strengths and those differences are to be celebrated but man is not superior to women and vice versa…
I would not let anyone put me down for being just a women, l have fought for my right to be who l want to be, yet some of the biggest critics of my choices have been other women………
I have taught my boys to be decent men and partners, and not stereo type roles.
My youngest works all week and then takes over from his partner at weekend so that she can work at no time has he ever said the he is babysitting nor complained about it as its a partnership.
My eldest son has become a full time single parent to his 3 children and continues to work.
Both my sons have been taught the skills to do so while at the same time not been made to feel ashamed for being men, because its those differences that attracts us to each other.
Yet l am old fashioned as l do see that men and women are different men have certain traits that we woman have to work at physical strength being one of them but that doesn’t mean l think he is superior because of it….Nor should he use that strength to make him feel superior….
Women we do the child baring that is our one of our strengths but it doesn’t make us superior we are 2 sides to the same coin….
So when your complaining about how unfair the world seems to you think about the small changes you have seen happen and what could become possible and do your own bit to change your little bit of the world to make it a fairer place.

Just as a footnote to those who have alternative sexualities or gender identities
I have had friends for over 35 odd yrs of all persuasions including much loved family members, and l have witnessed the remarkable strides forward that have been made although still an awful long way to go but changes are happening…..