This morning my longest dearest most frustrating friend who can drive me crazy with her black & white world but she has a good heart but yeah she wouldn’t be at all comfy around some of my more open friends.
But I digress from the point of this blog/post….
When I was young the words victim and survivor were not used as they are today.
A survivor was someone who had survived a completely life changing or near death experience.
A victim was someone who suffered or died due to the actions of others.
Before I had reached the age of 16 I had by today’s standards been sexually assaulted 5 times, 3 where the lads I was growing up with decided to pin me down to have a look at my boobs, at 8 I got locked in a large metal container where a boy of 11/12 wee’d over my dress, at 15 a lad pinned me down on a bus in front of a lot of kids and his hands were everywhere.
Many of my friends have similar stories.
BUT it never entered our heads that we were victims, victims were people who got raped murdered and in accidents. Over the years I have lost count of the number of times a hand has grabbed my boobs, shoved a hand up my skirt, & that is just how it was.
We learnt how to stay out of reach we learnt to stand up for ourselves we were not victims nor were we suvivors, because that would belittle those who were genuinely victims of the most awful things.
It’s good that times are changing and it’s no longer acceptable to grope a person because you wanted too and your mates thinking it’s a laugh.
It’s good that people are being called out on inappropriate touching.
But with those changes I see a victim society where every little thing makes some think they are victims or survivors.
I like many have a life story and by today’s standards I would be considered a victim, a survivor, I would be called strong for still standing but I am certainly none of those things, I may well have gone through some crap in life and that’s the point its life and life can suck the big one, stuff happens which shouldn’t.
When I look inside myself I see a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend so many many things.
What I never see is a victim, I don’t see a survivor and I certainly don’t see a strong person.
The one thing that I have always seen is love, the love my family and friends have for me, so in my darkest moments I have thought how lovely it would be to just go to sleep and never wake up, but then I visualise the pain and guilt I would leave behind so I go forward 5 mins at a time until the sun shines again.
I am glad I wasn’t aware of today’s definitions of victim and surviver I am glad that I haven’t had to go through my past experiences today because frankly today it’s easier to be a victim then learn how to take on life with all its crap and come out smiling.
I lived a couple of miles from the Moors murderers and I was 7/8 when they were convicted in 1966 so had it installed in us about staying safe, plus as I said it made me and my friends realise what being a victim is.
Come across this article
Anyone who actually knows me knows that I and others like me have been saying this for years.